Good afternoon one and all
If Sir Alex Ferguson was blindfolded, spun around 83 times and asked to plonk his finger on the Premier League table, under the proviso that on whatever team his finger did land that would be the one his side would pounce on to try get over from their derby defeat, he'd probably be hoping that digit would dial up Stoke.The devilish Reds must be one of the few teams that literally, like, you know, like, literally enjoy playing Stoke since Sir Alex Ferguson's team have won eight and lost none of nine previous league larks against the Potters. And besides all that, Stoke are going down quicker than a cold beer on a hot spring day.Deary me, Stoke, what have you done to yourselves? Your mean stare and physical strut used to scare the living daylights out of some of the Premier League's more prissy pups. Sometimes it felt like all you had to do was show up, exude your masculinity and the points were yours for the taking. Beautiful it never was, but effective it has been. And after the draw with Southampton before the new year opened its eyes, you were kicking it in an awesome eighth spot with 29 points on the board, seven points off a Champions League spot. It was the best position you'd been in at that point in the season since your return to hanging with the big boys. But ever since then a rot has taken hold and 100 odd days later it ain't letting go.That period has seen you undertake 11 league games and be taken under eight times. It has also seen you slide to a tremulous three points above the relegation zone. Now, people can come up with statistics to prove anything – 14% of people know that – but they do indicate that a collective dip in form from your backline boys is not helping your cause. Before that Saints sojourn, you had played 21 and conceded 20; after it you'd played 12 yet you'd conceded 22.Then again Peter Crouch, Kenwyne Jones, Michael Owen, Cameron Jerome and Jonathan Walters not covered themselves in goal-scoring glory, have they? The five of them have four league goals between them all year and your team has failed to score in 7 of your last 12 games. Tony Pulis don't rotate much either, it's a smallish squad under his command and you tend to concede late goals too so perhaps, you are plain, old, tired and in need of a good old break.But while fans chew on their nails about Manchester United's impending arrival, Crouch is keeping his cuticles suitable. Look at his fingers. Look closely now. There is not an speck of nail bearing teeth marks, is there? He ain't worried, no how. "When the bigger sides come here we have normally performed really well and given them a tough, tough afternoon," he said with a nonchalant flick of his tongue. "We have arguably produced our best football this season against the top five or six clubs so hopefully we can continue that against United."
If Sir Alex Ferguson was blindfolded, spun around 83 times and asked to plonk his finger on the Premier League table, under the proviso that on whatever team his finger did land that would be the one his side would pounce on to try get over from their derby defeat, he'd probably be hoping that digit would dial up Stoke.The devilish Reds must be one of the few teams that literally, like, you know, like, literally enjoy playing Stoke since Sir Alex Ferguson's team have won eight and lost none of nine previous league larks against the Potters. And besides all that, Stoke are going down quicker than a cold beer on a hot spring day.Deary me, Stoke, what have you done to yourselves? Your mean stare and physical strut used to scare the living daylights out of some of the Premier League's more prissy pups. Sometimes it felt like all you had to do was show up, exude your masculinity and the points were yours for the taking. Beautiful it never was, but effective it has been. And after the draw with Southampton before the new year opened its eyes, you were kicking it in an awesome eighth spot with 29 points on the board, seven points off a Champions League spot. It was the best position you'd been in at that point in the season since your return to hanging with the big boys. But ever since then a rot has taken hold and 100 odd days later it ain't letting go.That period has seen you undertake 11 league games and be taken under eight times. It has also seen you slide to a tremulous three points above the relegation zone. Now, people can come up with statistics to prove anything – 14% of people know that – but they do indicate that a collective dip in form from your backline boys is not helping your cause. Before that Saints sojourn, you had played 21 and conceded 20; after it you'd played 12 yet you'd conceded 22.Then again Peter Crouch, Kenwyne Jones, Michael Owen, Cameron Jerome and Jonathan Walters not covered themselves in goal-scoring glory, have they? The five of them have four league goals between them all year and your team has failed to score in 7 of your last 12 games. Tony Pulis don't rotate much either, it's a smallish squad under his command and you tend to concede late goals too so perhaps, you are plain, old, tired and in need of a good old break.But while fans chew on their nails about Manchester United's impending arrival, Crouch is keeping his cuticles suitable. Look at his fingers. Look closely now. There is not an speck of nail bearing teeth marks, is there? He ain't worried, no how. "When the bigger sides come here we have normally performed really well and given them a tough, tough afternoon," he said with a nonchalant flick of his tongue. "We have arguably produced our best football this season against the top five or six clubs so hopefully we can continue that against United."

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